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I will be getting married soon. My fiancé and I are both virgins and intend to be so until our first night. How can I minimize the pain of first-time sex as well as maximize the pleasure during our honeymoon?
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For many couples, getting married can be both exciting and scary: exciting with all the new ideas it brings in and scary from the first night and its impact on your sexual life span.
Here are some advices that might be helpful for you to go through a successful "first time together":
- Wait until the morning or day after the wedding night when you are rested and ready to explore each other in a leisurely way, without fatigue or interruption.
- Discover each other during outercourse, mutual masturbation, and/or oral sex. These can help you sexually connect and learn how to touch and fully arouse each other in order to minimize any discomfort or pain and maximize pleasure before attempting vaginal penetration.
- Focus on touching, kissing, and caressing each other in ways that heighten arousal before penetration.
- Relax and take it slowly.
- Talk with each other about what feels good and how you both like to be touched in order to prevent discomfort and pain. If these persist, stop intercourse and try again later.
- Use water-based lube on the opening of the vagina and on the outerside of the condom (if he is wearing one). Reapply as often as necessary to ease any discomfort and increase pleasure.
- Experiment slowly with various positions.
- If an erection goes away, remember it will most certainly come back.
Lastly, remember that sometimes one or both partners do not orgasm. Other times, a man's erection might not last long or it might come and go, and a woman may be more lubricated and comfortable at some moments more than others. Being patient and taking your time, talking clearly, and learning/practicing are the best ways to allow the two of you to enjoy this newfound intimacy together. Even when the unexpected occurs, a couple's first experience can still be meaningful, positive, exciting, pleasurable, and/or fulfilling. A sense of humor goes a long way, and you have a lifetime together to learn.
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Two days ago I had sex with a woman whose HIV status is unknown. I had condom on from the very beginning. But the condom broke during intercourse due to the air on the top. We both heard the sound and I withdrew immediately and found the condom broken on the top. The maximum length time that I was inside her after the condom broke was 1 to 2 seconds. Could I have caught HIV?
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I think your risk of becoming infected was very low, because:
- You used a condom for 1 to 2 seconds of the sexual encounter. It is probably reasonable to assume that decreasing the duration of contact with potentially HIV-infected vaginal fluids decreases the risk of becoming infected. Your story is a useful reminder to check, during sex, that your condom is intact.
- In general, the risk of female-to-male transmission is low, although this varies according to where the studies have been done. The risk of a man becoming infected from each instance of penile-vaginal sex in Europe is 1/3000 where it equals 16/100 in Kenya.
To make absolutely sure you didn't get infected, you should get tested in 3 months and again in 6 months from now.
Finally, continue to protect yourself and your partners by wearing a condom and using plenty of water-based lubricant every time you have vaginal or anal sex.
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