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| Sexual Desire |
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Dr. Massoud, my name is Leila and I am 25y.o. Can you define sexual desire? I feel shy from expressing my sexual desires as a woman, why is that? I feel really tired from this situation and I want to repress these desires. Is that possible?
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Eating, sleeping, and sexing are the three basic instincts of every human. Sex comes from the sexual desire, this force that drives us to make sex for pleasure and reproduction purposes, leading to the continuity of the human race, i.e. simply to keep on existing.
Through all times, humans tried to invent thousands of ways and conceptions in the hope of controlling sexual desire, however in vain. It turned to be that sexual desire controlled, controls, and will always control humans in a way or another. If they will try to suppress this human energy by any means, it will simply be expressed by one form or another.
After all, sexual desire is a mental perception. We perceive it differently as we grow up and become more mature according to the society we live in. It also differs between men and women: in men, erection implies a sexual desire and was accepted by many societies as a sexual figure, while a woman can stand naked and experience sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm and the observer may not know or perceive that she has it. In addition, sexual desire in women was rarely spotted during history and worshipped nonsexual women and virgins to the point that religions frequently label sexual women as sinners and witches. In the past – that unfortunately still exist today in many cultures – if a woman gets married and has children she is “in love”. If she has casual sex, multiple partners, female partners, or did not marry she is then “out of control”. Her sexual energy was therefore seen as a sign of rebellion. This forced women to deny and suppress their sexual desire and identity if they wanted to be accepted by their peers. "Good girls" simply were not sexual and this idea is still found today in many cultures.
In other words, in such cultures, we still notice today that the mother sets the norms by which her son’s wife must live. The mother is regarded as “asexual” and would never be desirous of sex, and she openly rejects any woman who is sexual; daughters learn from the same role model. A man may brag about the sexual skills of his "girlfriend," but will become openly angry if anyone should suggest his "wife" does anything of a sexual nature. A girlfriend can be a "slut" but a wife must be a "virgin." In these societies, men often do not want to bring a woman who is known to be sexual home to meet their mother. A "sexual girlfriend" often has to transform herself into an "asexual mother" on crossing the threshold of marriage or motherhood. Female sexual desire must always be controlled and expressed at "appropriate times" and in "appropriate ways."
Unfortunately what you are expressing reflects your culture does not sexually recognize and accept your body changes as you grow up and discard the idea that you do have a sexual desire indeed exactly like men do. Your society does expect you to be innocent and pure (in her scale), devoid of sexuality. It is denying your sexual desire and simply says you have a "crush," is experiencing "first love," or again, is “out of control”. |
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I am a 38y.o single woman committed to a man with whom I have sex. However, I see still sex everywhere. Why? |
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Actually many explanations can be given to your case, three of which are basics:
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Your body has special chemical messengers called hormones, one of which is testosterone. This latter is a male hormone that exists in your blood in traces causes your mind and body to do things you do not have control over. For instance your body suddenly explodes with desires: you have more lubrifications in the vagina area, your nipples and clitoris throb, and your heartbeats accelerate. Your eye drifts you towards a partner – and still you do not know why – in order to release this boundless sexual energy and excitement you are feeling. Sexual thoughts and images become overpowering and non-sexual things suddenly become sexual. Everything is about sex. No matter how hard you try to resist the feeling that everything is sex, you cannot. At that stage you are a sexual and desirous woman. You may be innocent and pure but you are definitely not asexual.
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Another explanation for your case is that you might be too sensual and your partner does not know how to satisfy you. It is simply that your partner is awakening in you this sexual desire, increasing your sexual energy but unfortunately not releasing it in the appropriate way. In other words, you are kept hungry for sex and this is reflecting on you by seeing sex everywhere.
A third explanation is that you might be having what we call “nymphomenia” or hypersexuality in women. You might be also suffering from “Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder” (PGAD). Women having PGAD feel genital excitation in the absence of stimulation or sexual desire. PGAD persist in the absence of phantasms or any other sexual imaginations .In this case you will need a clinical assessment and a psychological treatment over a certain number of sessions. |
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Dr. Massoud, my name is Marianne; I am 35y.o, mother of two lovely children. I frequently hear my friends talking about their high sexual desires to the point that I lately felt a kind of under self-esteem. When I am in bed with my husband I always ask myself if I am THAT GOOD. What do you think? Thx. |
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First of all I need you to know that one size does not fit all. A woman's level of desire and her sexual rhythms are unique to her; this means that what you are hearing might not be the truth of their experiences. Be sure that a woman pretending to be more sexual than she is does harm to herself, and her partner. Women may do so because of pressures from society, peers, and partners. |
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I always heard the terms "Intimacy, sex, sexuality, and sexual desire" however I cannot really see how they are dependant. Can you explain to me? Thank you. |
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First of all, let me explain the word “intimacy”. Intimacy stands for feeling close, safe, trustworthy and transparent among partners in a collaborative relationship. For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires rituals of connection i.e. empathy - the ability to stand in the other's shoes. The main forms of intimacy are emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
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Emotional intimacy: Humans are emotionally intimate when they trust someone sufficiently to be themselves, and feel comfortable doing so. Emotional intimacy may result from or develop into physical intimacy that might be sexual. If you feel safe and secure, then your sexual desires and feelings may exert greater control over you.
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Sex: is the physical and emotional relation that two different bodies can have. Sex might take place with intimacy, and some people do enjoy it; in this case we talk about mechanical sex. For others, intimacy is a must for the success of a sexual activity. Intimacy usually enhances physical sex by allowing a person to surrender control and allow their body to take control. Intimacy also fills in the voids between sexual experiences. Woman (from Mars) are often seen as desirous of intimacy, and men (from Venus) as desirous of physical sex, but both must seek a balance between the two.
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Sexual desire: Desiring the other means you like to have sex and intimacy with him. A person may experience desire for someone they know little or nothing about, other than what they see or perceive of them. Initial sexual desire is often based on sight alone. A person may then seek to develop intimacy prior to engaging in sex or may place blind trust in others and engage in sex immediately. The way a person conceives his partner when under the influence of sexual desire is more phantasmatic than realistic, especially if his desire for a person does not develop after first knowing him. Once the initial sexual excitement is gone, and if intimacy does not develop, a void forms between the partners that may cause them to seek out a new and sexually exciting person.
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Sexuality: Nobody can escape his sexuality. Everyone is born and will dies sexual in his biological, psychological, and anatomical sex, sexual orientation, interests, desire, and experiences.
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Dear Dr. Massoud, I am Rita, 26 y.o, newly married with no children, and have been on control pills for the past 6 months. I feel less sexual desire than before, however my husband and I have a perfect relationship. Why is that? Thank you. |
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The adrenal glands and ovaries produce five different types of steroids out of the cholesterol the liver naturally produces. Androgens and estrogens are two of them.
Androgens commonly known as the "male" hormones and estrogens as "female" hormones exist in both genders. Women usually have higher levels of estrogens than androgens. The ovaries and adrenal glands each produce about half the total amount of androgens in a woman's body.
There are five different types of androgens, testosterone is one of them. Testosterone acts on the body and brain and causes the person to desire sex, and to be more responsive to sexual stimulation.
After the ovaries and adrenal glands produce the testosterone, most of it binds with a protein called sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG). Only 1-2% of the total production of testosterone is considered "free testosterone" and affects sexual function. When evaluating a woman's testosterone levels, total testosterone, SHBG, and free androgen levels must be determined. This allows doctors to know how much testosterone is being produced and how much is available to affect sexual function. These tests should be performed before midday and after menstruation starts or soon thereafter, in the early follicular phase of the menstrual cycle.
It should be noted that estrogen increases the production of SHBG which then results in less free testosterone in the body. Estrogen might be said to be an anti-testosterone. This is why high dose birth control pills may suppress sexual desire and why hormone replacement therapy may further suppress sexual desire. It may also explain why some women experience increased desire later in life rather than during puberty, when their estrogen levels are high.
Estrogen levels drop sharply after ovulation, which may account for an increase in desire mid-cycle when a woman is most fertile, and estrogen levels are at their lowest during menstruation, possibly explaining why many women experience increased desire when they are actually least fertile.
A woman may not produce sufficient testosterone or her body may not be sensitive to it so she does not experience sexual desire, or only to a limited degree. The amount of testosterone and a woman's sensitivity to it is not constant throughout her life. While there is frequently a surge of testosterone production during puberty, its level decreases slowly throughout adulthood. A woman is not likely to notice a difference from one day to the next, but looking back over time notice her desire and pleasure are not what they once were. She will slowly come to realize something is missing. This realization may take place while a woman is in her twenties or later in life. Women whose ovaries are surgically removed, surgical menopause, may experience an immediate 50% decrease in their testosterone level meaning they may notice major changes within days of surgery. Hormone levels may not return to the same levels that they were prior to pregnancy too. |
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Is anti-depressants intake related to a loss of sexual desire and orgasm? I feel sexual desire (not like before taking the anti-depressant) but I rarely reach orgasm. What should I do as a woman to get back my orgasms? |
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Nitric oxide (NO) and cyclic quanosine monophosphate (cGMP) are two of the important ingredients of sexual arousal. During sexual stimulation, nitric oxide is produced and cGMP relaxes the blood vessels in the erectile tissues allowing blood engorgement (labial) and erection (clitoral) to occur.
This means that you can desire sex even if you are not able to experience arousal and orgasm. You may as a result find yourself drawn to intimacy, not sexual activity, as sex only increases your level of sexual frustration. This is very frequent in women on antidepressants.
Viagra may help women who experience sexual desire but not arousal and orgasm, even though they once did. Viagra contains sildenafil, which blocks the chemical that suppresses blood engorgement. If a woman experiences desire and has sufficient levels of nitric oxide and cGMP in her body, Viagra may help her experience arousal and orgasm. |
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What is the difference between absence of desire and loss of desire? How can I know what I am suffering from? |
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Loss of desire usually occurs slowly over time, but can occur as a result of sudden and major changes in your life and body like pregnancy, breast-feeding, parenting, disease, and surgery. In medical terms, absence of desire is considered "primary" and loss of desire "secondary." Your testosterone level may have decreased because of reduced hormone production by the ovaries. Absence of desire means the building blocks of desire are not present. Something other than testosterone may need to be added to your body. Absence of desire could indicate problems with your endocrine glands, like the pituitary or adrenal and thyroid glands, or low body fat; body fat has a significant influence over a woman's reproductive and sexual health. Your ovaries may not produce sufficient testosterone, or you are not sensitive to the amount produced, requiring a higher dosage of testosterone than women with decreased desire.
Only a clinical assessment of your case will be helpful in the course of the therapy you will need. |
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